I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
