Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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