I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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