Where is the hickey?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
