She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
