somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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