I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
