What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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