I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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