You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
