ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
