I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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