did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
