yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
love makes seman taste better
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
