you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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