I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
