I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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