my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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