guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
