Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
