I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he thought i was a dude.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
