I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
