If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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