Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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