And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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