it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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