I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
