It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
