I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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