Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
