tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
