i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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