You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
