wrigley field is MILF paradise
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
