3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
