Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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