i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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