White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
