I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
