My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
