In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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