the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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