You're so nebulous sometimes
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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