Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
