I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
