I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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