Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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