Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
