Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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