I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
