We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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