i'm signing you up for texting rehab
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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